Jurassic World

Anyone who has ever watched a film with me knows two things:

1. 99% of the time I will guess the ending and ruin it for everyone
2. If its not that interesting I will spend the whole time taking the piss out of it.

I am a film ruiner and proud. Deal with it.

Jurassic World

I had been looking forward to Jurassic World for SUCH a long time and was absolutely livid when the boyfriend went to see it without me earlier this year. As most of my generation, I grew up on the Jurassic Park films but after The Lost World, I tried to keep my expectations low, which ultimately worked in my favour. Let's face it, it was never going to be a cinematic masterpiece but if you take it as it is - a so-so action film with a lot of CGI dinosaurs, you can't be disappointed.

For those who haven't seen it, Jurassic World is the bigger, louder and genetically modified version of Jurassic Park.

First of all, fan favourite (and personal favourite) Chris Pratt was the strangely serious Owen Something-Or-Other who just wandered around being a general badass and papa-bear to a rag-tag gang of raptors. He's hilarious in pretty much everything else so it was a little bit of a downer that he didn't get to have much fun with the character. Obviously, there's the now famous scene of him coaxing his raptor babies into chill-mode, that every one seemed to love. Honestly, it was not that great and if he wasn't so gosh darn handsome, no one would have really cared that much.

Jurassic World

Vincent D'onofrio was the typical angry idiot who manages to make everything worse because he thinks he knows it all. God damn, you Vincent *shakes fist*. Park manager Bryce Dallas Howard (I think? Her job is never really explained) manages to be vaguely annoying and two dimensional - but then again, I wasn't really expecting much from the female characters in this sequel. She was never going to be Ellie - the original badass paleontologist. Sam Neill can go eat a dick because she was everything he never would be.

Then there are the annoying children. Aren't there always annoying children? Sigh. The 10 year old had more emotional breakdowns on a monorail journey across the park than I do during day one of shark week. Slow your roll child, you're at a dinosaur theme park - enjoy it. Stop whining about the inevitable decline of your parents marriage. Also Judy Greer does not stop crying through this entire film. I couldn't help but think she needed to stop being such a baby and get on with it.

The plot is so-so. It's mainly everyone running around while a huge dinosaur tries to eat them all. So, pretty much the other three films except without the sassy-pants that is Jeff Goldblum. It's much better than the other two sequels. If I'm completely honest, I got bored right around the time Christ Pratt started advertising Coca Cola. It just didn't do anything for me and I can't decide whether I expected too much or it was just not that good. Probably a combination of the two. Plus, by then I'd started looking for scenes they could have used from the first one, aka the quivering cup of water, but they didn't really do that. As a long time fan, I had half expected a few little nods. So to alleviate the moderate boredom, I started to invent lives for the background characters. My personal favourite was Dennis the chubby security guy who was the second cousin of Dennis from the first one only instead of getting tarred in the face, he gets eaten by Indominus Rex.

If you're looking for plot structure and realistic reactions to a huge dinosaur trying to eat your face, don't bother. If you just want action, crazy special effects, sweaty Chris Pratt and to marvel at Bryce DH managing to run in 5 inch heels through the jungle; then give Jurassic World a go.

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